Langdon Malachi Skolfield

My mom pointed out that my followers needed and update.  She said "you're still waiting in the waiting room..." Haha.  I am pretty sure most of you know the ending to this story, but what the heck, it will be fun to write this part.

So you know a part of the story but here is the whole thing, with details that may give you chills....well almost.

We found out about the failed adoption on a Tuesday. Wednesday I called our agency to talk about where we go from here. During this conversation she told me about a potential mom that was due within a week or so in Virginia. She had not submitted any papers or met with anyone, but if that happened, she had us in mind as a potential match.  I did not mention it in the blog because it was so premature, it didn't feel real.

Five days later, on Monday, we received an email with information about the birth mom.  Tuesday we received a call that the baby a born.  It was suggested that I get there as soon as possible, with Emery to follow.  Unfortunately there were no flights to get me there quickly.  We packed up as fast as we could, picked up our son from school and hit the road.  Richmond, Virginia here we come.

My parents live near Raleigh, NC which is on the way up to Virginia. We decided to drop the boys off with them, and continue on.  We drove straight through and got to their house at about 2 am.  During the drive, we received a call from a counselor for the birth mom. She had been assigned our case and wanted to introduce herself.  Funny story though.  She recognized our last name and realized she knew it because she follows Emery on Instagram.  She has an adopted son and wanted to dread his hair, so searched certain hashtags and started following Emery.  She then texted me a picture of her son with dreads, inspired by our youngest.  So cool!  Example #1 of why I was not anxious about this falling through.

We spoke with the birth mom for a few minutes on the phone, to introduce ourselves.  We spoke about his name briefly and just about our family in general.  She was very sweet and we could not wait to meet her.

We put the boys to sleep at my parents, slept about an hour and half, got up and continued on to Richmond.  We got to the area about 7:30 and decided to have breakfast. Following breakfast, we drove to the hospital.  We went to the maternity ward and we asked to sit in the waiting room for a few minutes, while they verified who we were and made sure we were allowed to be there.  A little over an hour later we walked into her room.  She was holding the baby feeding him.  Within seconds, she was handing him to us.  He was the sweetest little thing.  I could barely believe how perfect he was.

We spent the spent the rest of the day holding him and talking with his mom and grandma.  We enjoyed the time we had with them.  When his mom needed to rest, Emery and I were given a private room to spend more time with Langdon.  This hospital was by far the best hospital we have been to in all three of our adoption experiences.

The next day was the most stressful, signing day.  We went to the hospital early, just to wait in the waiting room.  The attorney called and said they were on their way.  When they arrived, she explained the paperwork would take about 45 minute to an hour and then she would be out to have us sign a few papers.  We sat there in silence, waiting yet again.  About 15 minutes after they started the lawyer came out and said mom needed to take a break.  A few minutes later her step-mom came out to get the lawyers.  I couldn't tell by her face if they were going back in to be told she couldn't sign the papers or if they were going back in to continue.  She could sense my concern and looked at me and said "It's all ok.  Everything is still happening, she just needed a minute."  What a relief to hear that.  We waited another 45 minutes.  Then a discharge nurse came to get us to go over discharge information.  This was the point at which I got excited.  WE were being told discharge info.  WE were being told how to care for this bundle when we left the hospital.  I turned to Emery and said " NOW can we send a picture to our parents?"  What was his response?  "We are not walking out of this hospital yet, he is not even in our arms." 

Sooooooooo  about 30 minutes later we are walking out of the hospital with Langdon.  PHEW!  What a whirlwind it has been.  Now we have been home for 4 days and things are going very well.  He is 2 weeks old and already a whopping 7 pounds, 9 ounces.  The kids does nothing but eat and sleep.  He knows he has to catch up to his big bros.  His big bros, by the way, are ecstatic and will not leave his side most of the time.  They can not show him or tell him enough how much they love him.  It's a beautiful thing. 

That's us now, the Skolfield's ......family of 5.

Newest situation....

As you know, a little over a week ago we had a disrupted adoption. The day after that happened our agency told us of a POSSIBLE situation that was coming up. She was due very soon, so if it was something to work out, it would move very quickly.

Well Monday night we received an email with information about a birth mother. 

Tuesday afternoon we got a call that he was born. Whirlwind!

Ran upstairs, started packing, talked to emery to tell him to come home, tried to book a flight for me, packed some more, and ran around the house in circles at times. Went to pick up Isaiah at school and it forced me to slow down.  As soon as emery came home we packed up the car and started driving north. 

We arrived at my parents house in Raleigh, NC at 2:30 in the morning. Slept for an hour and a half and then hit the road again to Richmond. 

We arrived at te hospital at 8:30, and sat in a waiting room until almost 10. Finally we were able to meet mom and baby. We spent several hours with them and even a short time in a private room with the baby, while mom rested.  

We left for a short time for lunch and returned for more visiting and bonding. 

Eventually we needed to leave and check into our hotel and get some sleep. A huge snow storm had started and we wanted to be ahead of the worst. We were both asleep by 8pm. What a day!!

Now I am back in the same waiting room I was in yesterday. The baby is resting and so is mom. The lawyer will be by sometime today to have papers signed. Our agency was  trying to get it done yesterday but with all the snow they didn't want to work late.

So now we wait some more...

That's the journey. A lot of waiting. And prayers!!

The hard part..

I have been staring at this screen for a while now, trying to find the words to express what happened today. This is one of those hard days that can happen during the adoption journey. You pray it doesn't happen, but it does quite often.  Our birth mother gave birth today.....and then decided she was going to parent.

I received this call early this evening from our agency in Arizona. I could tell within seconds of answering this was not going to be the happy call I was expecting. Almost 8 years ago, this same woman called me to tell me Isaiah had been born. I remember that call like it was yesterday. The joy in her voice and the words she used "YOUR son was born this morning!"  The best feeling in the world.

Today her voice was not excited and her words were not the same.  I can not imagine what it is like for her to make these phone calls. 

My first thoughts were that I was glad we didn't travel all the way up to Illinois and turn around and come home with no baby. It's better this way, I said.  Easier.  

Although I am not sure easy is the word to use.  

I called Emery to tell him and immediately broke down crying. I am not sure what to compare this to, but it's a loss. I had spent the past few weeks preparing for him. I tried to tell myself I wasn't going to over-do it, just in case it didn't work out, but I still prepared. I bought a car seat, borrowed some newborn clothes from a friend, bought a tiny jacket, a couple onsies, diapers, a car seat cover and a diaper bag.  All essentials to bring this bundle home.  

I am fully aware that God has a divine plan for our family. He has the perfect baby already picked out for us. And when the time comes he will send him or her to us. I know all of this in my heart and my mind, but I am still sad. 

Pray for us. Pray for the wonderful woman who made this phone call today (because you know she has to do this more than she'd like). Pray for the baby boy whose life has just begun. Pray for his brave momma who made the best decision she could make. Pray for the child God has in store for us.

Waiting, waiting, waiting

So just a quick update.....

In the last couple days I have filled out a bunch of paperwork, collected even more papers, copied them and overnighted them to our agency.  Oh and wired them some money:)

The birth mom was having some contractions over the weekend, so we are in the "any day now" window I would imagine. 

Today I need to contact the local agency in Illinois, which will be handling the legal stuff there with us.  I am sure more paperwork will be sent out today.

Over the past few days we have been working out who will take our children when we get the call.  We brought Isaiah with us when we got Xavier.  We would love nothing more than to bring them with us again, but it is quite expensive for a last minute one way ticket X 4.  And we do not want Isaiah to miss too much school, now that he is in a grade that counts!  Lots to iron out.

I bought a car seat the other day and put the pack and play together with all its pieces to make it an infant crib.  I had to make sure I remembered how to do it!

Needless to say, my stomach is in knots.  How are yours? :)

Crazy 24 hours...

Short, but to the point.

Well, I have not had a chance to update the blog because yesterday I was  not feeling very well and went to sleep early.  So much has happened.

We received and email that we were not picked for the baby due in March.  In the same email, we were asked if we would consider a boy that is due the first week in February.

I, again, spoke to Emery over lunch and he confirmed how he feels about the gender of the baby.  And talked to me about how if it is really important to have a girl, I just  needed to be patient.

I took the rest of the day to think and pray about this.  Yes, girls have fun cute clothes and accessories, but boys are pretty cool too, with all the sports and Jordan sneakers:-)  Ultimately my thinking is, it's exciting to have a baby, no matter what the gender.  I sent out the email with our profile to be presented.

Today I received an email saying we were picked.  So the Skolfield's could soon be a family of 5 in a little over 2 weeks. Wow.  In shock......

Situation #1

As I explained before, we receive email blasts with situations that are available in the agency.  Yesterday the question of how we felt about a 3rd boy, really had me thinking.  Today I went back through all my old email blasts, which had been deleted.  Most of them were not situations that we wanted to consider.....whether it was a boy or a Caucasian girl or any other mix of ethnicity. 

Then one stuck out.  Ethnicity :AA  Gender: Unknown.  It had been sent January 2nd, so there was a real possibility this mom had been presented with families and possibly had chosen one.  I asked Emery if he thought we should have our profile presented.  He answered with a typical Emery response, he is happy with either gender but if I wanted a girl I needed to be patient.  And of course he is always right:)

Of course it got me thinking, are we really meant to have a girl?  Is this just MY plan for our life?  Am I being stubborn and not letting His will be done?  Even though, I fully know it will be done whether I help it along or not!! 

So the question remains....do we have our profile presented?  Why, yes we do.  If it is not a girl, we won't get chosen.  If we do get chosen and it is a boy, well then that is what is meant for our family.  This was our decision.

This is the part of the process that people usually do not share, because there are still so many steps left.  Why not just wait until the baby is in your arms to share; but that is not the point of this blog.  This is to document every step of the way, no matter how hard it is sometimes to share the details.  I wish I had done this with the first 2.  I remember the process, but do not have a record of our emotions throughout, like I do now.

What is next you ask?  Our profile will be shown to the birth mother.  Then she has to make a decision as to who she would like to give the greatest gift anyone could ever be given.  What do we do now?  Wait. 

Are you as anxious as I am??

I have to admit, I am not extremely anxious.  I have been doing well, just living life and not thinking to much about all of it. It's out of my hands now, so there is not much to think about.....until now.

So it's only been a couple months, so no reason for me to be going crazy yet. I receive email blasts from the one agency with situations and none of them have been what we want, so we do not respond. There was a girl who had already been born and they needed the family to fly out the following morning for a court date.  This would have been great, if I wasn't flying to Chile two days later.  This was not good timing for us, so we didn't ask to be considered. That was the only situation we had been presented with that was a girl. So on we wait.

Today, I get a message from one of the agency's saying "how do you feel about a third boy?"  What? You may have thought the same thing I did.  Apparently they have 2 boys they need to match.  I never responded to the email blast because they weren't girls.  And now all of a sudden I am considering this.

Am I considering this because I don't want to pass up and opportunity?  Do I really want another boy? Will I regret giving up on my little girl? Does God want me to be a mother of all boys or does he really want me to have a girl one day?  Do I just want to be the one who makes sure one of these little guys has a home to go to?

My favorite question comes from my mom.......  Is this a test to see how patient you can be??

Who has the answer for me? I'd appreciate the answer if you have it.  However, I know you don't have it.  Only one knows this one.

Which is why I pray.  Without prayer, I would be lost. It's not for me to decide.  We will pray about it and I am sure we will be led to the path we are supposed to take.

And so the roller coaster continues.......

One month......

Well it's been a month since we were official, and now we are officially on another agency wait list. Mother Goose Adoptions/Creating Christian Families, which is the agency we got Isaiah through. We applied to the two to have our name out there as much as we can. The two agencies we picked have a minimal charge up front to hold profiles and present you, so why not right? This agency does things a little different then the first. Our first agency will present you to birth families that match your criteria and they don't tell you. You will find out only if you are picked. This 2nd agency only presents you if you request it.  They send email blasts out letting you know about situations they have available and if it is one you are interested in you let them know. I have gotten probably 3-4 emails so far but none of them were for African American girls:)

With this being the process, you may hear more about possibilities when they arise. The other agency we won't hear from at all, so it's more of just waiting blindly.

Well this was a short update, but I felt like writing something!! Today we are off to meet Xavier's birth mom and sister for lunch. This is a new adventure for us:-) Isaiah is a bit sensitive about it, but after a good talk with him he seems to be ok with it. He's such a great big brother!!!

Have a Merry Christmas!!!  See you in the New Year!!

We are OFFICIAL!

This is part of a note we received today:

Dear Emery & Cristy,

 

               Thank you so much for your interest in our agency. We have received your application and supporting documents and are pleased to add you to our adoption program. We look forward to assisting you on your adoption journey and hope to make your experience as positive as possible.

 

WOOHOO!!  Ya'll, that means we are officially waiting for a birth mom to choose us.  Our home study is complete and application has been accepted by the agency.  A very nice lady came out to visit us a little over a week ago to check in with us.  She asked about anything that may have changed since our last adoption, spoke to the boys briefly and took a tour of our home.  About a week later we received a draft of our home study to review.  We immediately approved it and a few days later the agency signed off on it. 

 

We sent in our scrapbook, to be reviewed.  We were given a few instructions on how to make it better.  It was sent back in a few days later and that was approved as well.  Apparently I am unable to attach a PDF file to this blog, so I can not post it.  I will figure out a way to post it some day! 

 

I packaged these hard copies up a few days ago and sent them in as well.  The agency keeps a digital copy and hard copies on file.  These scrapbooks are used to show birth mothers when there are families who meet their criteria in a family they would like for their child.

 

Tonight I packaged up an application to send to another agency.  It is the agency who got Isaiah placed with us.  The agency who completed our home study is the agency Xavier was placed through. We have enjoyed working with both agencies in the past, so why mess up a good thing!  We are so very excited about the latest news. 

 

So, now we wait.  We wait to be chosen.  This is where all my emotional posts start.....the anxious, impatient posts.  This is the hard part.

 

Thanks for all the prayers and support!  We truly appreciate it.

 

Happy Halloween!

Wow, it is amazing to me how many of you are keeping track of our progress on this adoption journey, not to mention how excited you all are.  A few of you have even mistakenly taken a TBT post by Emery the wrong way.  He posted a picture of Isaiah, Xavier and I from when we got Xavier and I had several texts that day congratulating us on the new little one.  Took me by surprise:)  Anyway, no we do not have a new baby.  To clarify, our home study is not complete yet, therefore we are not even on the list to get a baby yet. That is the purpose of this post.......

We are almost there, people....almost have our name on the list.  We have one more step in the home study process left.  THE VISIT.... dum dum dum.  It's not really that bad, actually.  Someone will come out to our house and chat with us about our lives, probably even talk to the kids about what awesome parents we are.....now I have to worry about what they will say:-)!  KIDDING!  We are on the schedule for that visit.  A very nice lady will come out next Wednesday evening.  After that, our home study, should be complete and approved!  Then the real wait begins.....

Last night we filled out an adoption application.  This form is to officially request to be on the waiting list.  This is where we also choose gender, race, whether we would accept any drug exposure, or if we are willing to accept any kind of health issues etc.  It is very specific and there is a lot of research that needs to be done to be fully able to answer the questions.  Luckily, we have been through this in the past and we filled it out pretty similar to how we have in the past.  With one minor difference........the box next to female was checked!  As you already know, this time we are requesting a girl. 

I guess that is all for now.  Visit from social worker Wednesday and get our application into the agency....probably 2 agencies.  Those are the next steps.  And just to clarify and avoid any future misunderstandings, we will be very specific in our posts.  That is my goal with this blog, a step by step account of this journey.  I would never skip to ....here's the baby.  There will be many phases between now and then.

In honor of Halloween and TBT.....

Pictures, pictures and more pictures

So as I stated in my last post, I have been busy making our profile.  The profile is a small scrapbook of your family.  It is what the agencies show to birth mothers, so they can make a decision as to who they want to place their child with.  I can not even begin to imagine what it must be like to make a decision like that.  The courage it takes, is more than I have, that's for sure.  It's easy for us.  A birth mother chooses our family, we gain yet another blessing and get to pour our love on them.  The birth mother, however, places a child in our arms and goes home. They make this decision looking at pictures of families and possibly speaking with them on the phone a few times.  Can any of you imagine doing that? I am humbled by these women who make the ultimate sacrifice for their child......and for our family.  If it were not for women who make the decision to place their child for adoption, our home would be childless.  I am forever grateful for the 2 women God has put in our lives to help us build our family. 

This post sort of took a turn of sorts.  Started with me mentioning making our profile......  Our profile is complete.  I sat down at my scrap booking table a few days ago to begin.  I got as far as cutting all my paper into the correct size.  I then got distracted and went online to look at other families profiles.  It was then I realized, I needed to be doing this digitally.  Funny right? I was making it by hand and then went to look at others online.  Should have realized earlier I could do it online!  Then I began searching programs to help me make it.  This turned into hours of research on how to do it digitally.  I fell asleep at my computer working on it. 

The next day, after finding a program, I sat down, yet again, to make our scrapbook.  Hours later I completed a draft.  I made 2 different books.  The first one was practice.  I made the whole book, then went to the print options and realized I could only print in one size, and of course, this size was too big.  So, back to the drawing board to find a template that would print smaller.

After completing the draft, Emery checked it and we made a few corrections.  We now have a finished product.  I am going to share some of it with you.  This is not the whole book, but it is a majority of it. There will be a few more pages inserted within this version.  Maybe after I get the whole thing scanned as a PDF file, I will attach it to a post.  For now this is all you get:) Click the link below to have a sneak peak!

Skolfield Family Profile

And the anxiety begins...

I am sitting in the car line at Isaiah's school, so this will be a short post. I said I was going to make you all ride the ride with me right? Well then it's only fair that I share my feelings right now. I sent the paperwork one week ago. All our references have given their recommendations. So now we sit and wait. Wait for the next steps. How Lon you ask? If I knew I wouldn't feel anxious. 😉 this is where things get rough for me. I like being in control, and I am not. Ultimately God is in control of this situation. I have done all I am supposed to do. The agency will let us know when there is a next step. And it's only been a week since I put it in the mail......I have serious problems getting anxious to hear from them already! Ha!

So to help ease my mind and feel like I am taking steps in the right direction, I will start to work on our profile. I need to pick out pictures and make a small scrapbook, which is shown to birthmoms (when we are at that stage!). So that's what I will do....I will have it done so when they tell us they need them, I will be ahead of the game. 

That is all for now....y'all will really get to know how crazy I am through all this.

At least I was distracted a few days with a mini-vacation. Here we are on a bluff overlooking the Mississippi River. 

Packaging it all up!

As I sit here watching my DVRed Jimmy Fallon, (because there is no way I could stay up late enough to watch it live!) I am updating our "Prospective Adoptive Parent Biographical Information."  It did not take me long. I sat with our last home study next to me and checked each section.  Many of them will include the same information we gave in 2009, in sections as, child rearing philosophy, our marriage relationship, education, religious/spiritual, family background, health (praise God!) and thoughts on adoption.  The sections I needed to update were home/community, employment (I HAVE NONE!), children (we added one), and leisure/recreational.  What, you ask, may have changed in our leisure/recreational activities?  Oh, just that we are oldER now and may not be playing the sports we used to enjoy as often:-)

Currently Emery is in New York and when he returns he will look over these, to make sure I didn't lie on them. After it gets the editors approval, I will make copies of EVERYTHING....approximately 29 pages.  It will then be packaged up and sent off to the adoption agency.  I plan to have them in the mail Monday (no pressure Emery.)

Then the ball is in their court.  They will need to review all these documents, probably visit with us and update the home study.  So that's where we are right now. Each little step is one step closer to bringing a sister home to these little guys and a daughter for us. 

 

 

 

For now, life goes on.... This weekend we celebrate Xavier's 3rd birthday! 3 years this little ball of energy has been in our lives.  He's so busy and always says the funniest things.  Isaiah, a little shy at first, but when you get to know him he is a goofball.  He has such a dynamic personality and is good at just about anything he tries!  Makes me think about what the 3rd child will be like....Hmmm.......

Back to the drawing board....

There have been many different circumstances that have led to the formation of our wonderful little family. To start, Emery and I met, fell in love, got married......blessing #1.  A month later cancer struck our lives.  I was diagnosed with cervical cancer and after a few minor procedures, the devastating news was delivered. A newlywed and childless, I would have a radical hysterectomy within days of my 26th birthday.  Following a bit of sadness over the loss of being able to carry a baby, Emery and I were very positive throughout my treatment.  I had surgery and was given the all clear immediately....blessing #2.

We both always wanted children, so not long after we chose to begin looking into our options.  I have always been interested in adoption, so it seemed like that was the natural way to go.  So many decisions to make throughout the process......do we want a baby, older child.....black, white, Asian.....boy or girl.......domestic adoption/international adoption......special needs.....accepting of babies exposed to drugs.....medical needs.........wow!  Enough to make your head spin!

Fast forward through this process and a little over a year after it began, we came home with our first son, Isaiah. We had chosen to get an infant and it didn't matter the race.  Life was good.  We had a little guy that we loved more than anything in the world....he was our world. He was blessing #3 from our All powerful God!

Fast forward a few years and after another long process, we are bringing home our next bundle of joy Xavier.  Another little boy to love and nurture.  Blessing #4.....another boy.....we had considered asking for a girl, but in the end decided in God wanted us to have a girl, we would get a girl.  Can not imagine our life without this little ball of energy who keeps me busy everyday.

Fast forward 3 years again.  We have decided to go for Blessing #5!  We are back to the drawing board. Only this time we have decided not to fast forward through it.  We are going to blog this whole experience.  So each and every one of you can ride this roller coaster with us.  It's going to be one heck of a ride!

Starting with the paper chase.  Over the past few weeks, I have chased down background checks, fingerprinting, birth certificates, copies of licenses, central abuse hotline search, employment verifications, physicals and affidavits of good moral character.  After taking Xavier for his physical exam tomorrow, I will have the pleasure of updating our biographical information.  Answering lots of questions about our family, how we spend our free time, how we discipline our children, who will care for our children if something happens to us, education background, and everything about our marriage.

And lucky you! If you decided to follow this blog, you will be there every step of the way.  I hope you enjoy getting to experience how we bring home the next member of our family.  Thanks for reading!  Until next time.......