The hard part..

I have been staring at this screen for a while now, trying to find the words to express what happened today. This is one of those hard days that can happen during the adoption journey. You pray it doesn't happen, but it does quite often.  Our birth mother gave birth today.....and then decided she was going to parent.

I received this call early this evening from our agency in Arizona. I could tell within seconds of answering this was not going to be the happy call I was expecting. Almost 8 years ago, this same woman called me to tell me Isaiah had been born. I remember that call like it was yesterday. The joy in her voice and the words she used "YOUR son was born this morning!"  The best feeling in the world.

Today her voice was not excited and her words were not the same.  I can not imagine what it is like for her to make these phone calls. 

My first thoughts were that I was glad we didn't travel all the way up to Illinois and turn around and come home with no baby. It's better this way, I said.  Easier.  

Although I am not sure easy is the word to use.  

I called Emery to tell him and immediately broke down crying. I am not sure what to compare this to, but it's a loss. I had spent the past few weeks preparing for him. I tried to tell myself I wasn't going to over-do it, just in case it didn't work out, but I still prepared. I bought a car seat, borrowed some newborn clothes from a friend, bought a tiny jacket, a couple onsies, diapers, a car seat cover and a diaper bag.  All essentials to bring this bundle home.  

I am fully aware that God has a divine plan for our family. He has the perfect baby already picked out for us. And when the time comes he will send him or her to us. I know all of this in my heart and my mind, but I am still sad. 

Pray for us. Pray for the wonderful woman who made this phone call today (because you know she has to do this more than she'd like). Pray for the baby boy whose life has just begun. Pray for his brave momma who made the best decision she could make. Pray for the child God has in store for us.

Waiting, waiting, waiting

So just a quick update.....

In the last couple days I have filled out a bunch of paperwork, collected even more papers, copied them and overnighted them to our agency.  Oh and wired them some money:)

The birth mom was having some contractions over the weekend, so we are in the "any day now" window I would imagine. 

Today I need to contact the local agency in Illinois, which will be handling the legal stuff there with us.  I am sure more paperwork will be sent out today.

Over the past few days we have been working out who will take our children when we get the call.  We brought Isaiah with us when we got Xavier.  We would love nothing more than to bring them with us again, but it is quite expensive for a last minute one way ticket X 4.  And we do not want Isaiah to miss too much school, now that he is in a grade that counts!  Lots to iron out.

I bought a car seat the other day and put the pack and play together with all its pieces to make it an infant crib.  I had to make sure I remembered how to do it!

Needless to say, my stomach is in knots.  How are yours? :)

Crazy 24 hours...

Short, but to the point.

Well, I have not had a chance to update the blog because yesterday I was  not feeling very well and went to sleep early.  So much has happened.

We received and email that we were not picked for the baby due in March.  In the same email, we were asked if we would consider a boy that is due the first week in February.

I, again, spoke to Emery over lunch and he confirmed how he feels about the gender of the baby.  And talked to me about how if it is really important to have a girl, I just  needed to be patient.

I took the rest of the day to think and pray about this.  Yes, girls have fun cute clothes and accessories, but boys are pretty cool too, with all the sports and Jordan sneakers:-)  Ultimately my thinking is, it's exciting to have a baby, no matter what the gender.  I sent out the email with our profile to be presented.

Today I received an email saying we were picked.  So the Skolfield's could soon be a family of 5 in a little over 2 weeks. Wow.  In shock......

Situation #1

As I explained before, we receive email blasts with situations that are available in the agency.  Yesterday the question of how we felt about a 3rd boy, really had me thinking.  Today I went back through all my old email blasts, which had been deleted.  Most of them were not situations that we wanted to consider.....whether it was a boy or a Caucasian girl or any other mix of ethnicity. 

Then one stuck out.  Ethnicity :AA  Gender: Unknown.  It had been sent January 2nd, so there was a real possibility this mom had been presented with families and possibly had chosen one.  I asked Emery if he thought we should have our profile presented.  He answered with a typical Emery response, he is happy with either gender but if I wanted a girl I needed to be patient.  And of course he is always right:)

Of course it got me thinking, are we really meant to have a girl?  Is this just MY plan for our life?  Am I being stubborn and not letting His will be done?  Even though, I fully know it will be done whether I help it along or not!! 

So the question remains....do we have our profile presented?  Why, yes we do.  If it is not a girl, we won't get chosen.  If we do get chosen and it is a boy, well then that is what is meant for our family.  This was our decision.

This is the part of the process that people usually do not share, because there are still so many steps left.  Why not just wait until the baby is in your arms to share; but that is not the point of this blog.  This is to document every step of the way, no matter how hard it is sometimes to share the details.  I wish I had done this with the first 2.  I remember the process, but do not have a record of our emotions throughout, like I do now.

What is next you ask?  Our profile will be shown to the birth mother.  Then she has to make a decision as to who she would like to give the greatest gift anyone could ever be given.  What do we do now?  Wait. 

Are you as anxious as I am??

I have to admit, I am not extremely anxious.  I have been doing well, just living life and not thinking to much about all of it. It's out of my hands now, so there is not much to think about.....until now.

So it's only been a couple months, so no reason for me to be going crazy yet. I receive email blasts from the one agency with situations and none of them have been what we want, so we do not respond. There was a girl who had already been born and they needed the family to fly out the following morning for a court date.  This would have been great, if I wasn't flying to Chile two days later.  This was not good timing for us, so we didn't ask to be considered. That was the only situation we had been presented with that was a girl. So on we wait.

Today, I get a message from one of the agency's saying "how do you feel about a third boy?"  What? You may have thought the same thing I did.  Apparently they have 2 boys they need to match.  I never responded to the email blast because they weren't girls.  And now all of a sudden I am considering this.

Am I considering this because I don't want to pass up and opportunity?  Do I really want another boy? Will I regret giving up on my little girl? Does God want me to be a mother of all boys or does he really want me to have a girl one day?  Do I just want to be the one who makes sure one of these little guys has a home to go to?

My favorite question comes from my mom.......  Is this a test to see how patient you can be??

Who has the answer for me? I'd appreciate the answer if you have it.  However, I know you don't have it.  Only one knows this one.

Which is why I pray.  Without prayer, I would be lost. It's not for me to decide.  We will pray about it and I am sure we will be led to the path we are supposed to take.

And so the roller coaster continues.......

One month......

Well it's been a month since we were official, and now we are officially on another agency wait list. Mother Goose Adoptions/Creating Christian Families, which is the agency we got Isaiah through. We applied to the two to have our name out there as much as we can. The two agencies we picked have a minimal charge up front to hold profiles and present you, so why not right? This agency does things a little different then the first. Our first agency will present you to birth families that match your criteria and they don't tell you. You will find out only if you are picked. This 2nd agency only presents you if you request it.  They send email blasts out letting you know about situations they have available and if it is one you are interested in you let them know. I have gotten probably 3-4 emails so far but none of them were for African American girls:)

With this being the process, you may hear more about possibilities when they arise. The other agency we won't hear from at all, so it's more of just waiting blindly.

Well this was a short update, but I felt like writing something!! Today we are off to meet Xavier's birth mom and sister for lunch. This is a new adventure for us:-) Isaiah is a bit sensitive about it, but after a good talk with him he seems to be ok with it. He's such a great big brother!!!

Have a Merry Christmas!!!  See you in the New Year!!

We are OFFICIAL!

This is part of a note we received today:

Dear Emery & Cristy,

 

               Thank you so much for your interest in our agency. We have received your application and supporting documents and are pleased to add you to our adoption program. We look forward to assisting you on your adoption journey and hope to make your experience as positive as possible.

 

WOOHOO!!  Ya'll, that means we are officially waiting for a birth mom to choose us.  Our home study is complete and application has been accepted by the agency.  A very nice lady came out to visit us a little over a week ago to check in with us.  She asked about anything that may have changed since our last adoption, spoke to the boys briefly and took a tour of our home.  About a week later we received a draft of our home study to review.  We immediately approved it and a few days later the agency signed off on it. 

 

We sent in our scrapbook, to be reviewed.  We were given a few instructions on how to make it better.  It was sent back in a few days later and that was approved as well.  Apparently I am unable to attach a PDF file to this blog, so I can not post it.  I will figure out a way to post it some day! 

 

I packaged these hard copies up a few days ago and sent them in as well.  The agency keeps a digital copy and hard copies on file.  These scrapbooks are used to show birth mothers when there are families who meet their criteria in a family they would like for their child.

 

Tonight I packaged up an application to send to another agency.  It is the agency who got Isaiah placed with us.  The agency who completed our home study is the agency Xavier was placed through. We have enjoyed working with both agencies in the past, so why mess up a good thing!  We are so very excited about the latest news. 

 

So, now we wait.  We wait to be chosen.  This is where all my emotional posts start.....the anxious, impatient posts.  This is the hard part.

 

Thanks for all the prayers and support!  We truly appreciate it.